My Reluctant Prayer

Have you ever prayed a prayer and in the back of your mind wondered, am I really ready for God to answer this?  It’s kind of like when you pray for patience.  You’d prefer that it be sprinkled on you like fairy dust rather than going through the inevitable circumstances that are going to present themselves to teach you the patience you desire.  I’ve been reading through the Psalms and a few weeks ago I read a verse that caught my eye.  As I read it I thought, this should be my prayer, but right after that thought came this one, ‘are you really sure that this is what you want to pray’?  This is the verse that I found, Psalms 89:40 Breach all my walls; lay my strongholds in ruins.  See what I mean?!  Talk about getting up close and personal!  As I contemplated what this prayer could do I knew that it was going to take a lot more than fairy dust to destroy the walls and strongholds that I’ve built up in my 30 years of life.  When I pray this prayer I’m asking God to reveal to me all the things in my life that keep me from serving and loving Him with my whole being, things like pride, bitterness, envy, anger, and worry, just to name a few.  Some of these things are so well hidden and so much a part of me that I don’t even remember where they came from and how they got there.  As soon as I utter this prayer I can hear a voice in the back of my head saying ‘you really don’t want to do this, do you, some things are better left hidden behind the walls, that’s why you put them there in the first place’.  Even as this voice was listing off the numerous reasons that this was a bad idea, I knew this was what I needed to do.  I must admit that I was a little scared to see which wall that God and I were going to tackle first but I knew that I wasn’t going to be a one woman wrecking crew, God was going to be there too.  Luckily, we have started with some of my smaller and flimsier walls but I know that there are some ahead that are going to take a lot of time, a lot of prayer, and maybe even a bulldozer to get thru.  My ultimate goal is that all my walls will be demolished and all of my strongholds will be destroyed so that God can use me completely and totally for His glory.  This will not happen tomorrow, next month or even next year; it will probably not happen while I am on this earth.  I’m going to continue praying this prayer each and every day and cling to the promise found in Deuteronomy 31:6 Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *